Evelyn D'Marr

Sunday evening OOC LONG

2004-06-03T11:40:39Z

As the plane took off she gripped the arm rest tightly looking intently at her own shoes. Simon leans over

something wrong my love?

She smiles looking a bit ashamed and sighs gently.

Yes I hate to fly I always have, but it gets better, I only really hate it at takeoff and landings

She leans over and kisses his cheek, closing her eyes she went through her vision once more, Simon had said it was an old stone chaple, and as she had requested it would be a catholic wedding, with a priest from the local perish who would return with a large donation to his perish and a fuzzy memory of his evening. She smiled slipped her hand into his and was so lost in her day dream she was surprised when it was announced that they were about to land. Bracing herself for landing she was happy to find it smooth and her curosity about one of the few countries she had never been to helped ease her fears. Stepping out she looked around, even in the dark the country side held a certain amount of beauty, she felt a small pang of regret that she would never experaince it's beauty in the light of the sun as Simon did as a mortal. Taking his hand they get into the car and drove to the mannor house on which the chaple was on the grounds, it was apprently secluded and very midevil, she couldent wait, Kissing him goodbye at the doorstep she went to her set of rooms and began to get ready. Simon said he would meet her at the chaple. She had sent her retianer ahead with instructions for the set up she just prayed he would get it right. Sliping into her renessance style wedding gown, she smiled the white film fell softly around her body, sitting patiently as her hair was done and the white rose bud crown placed on her head she went to look in the mirror, as she looked at herself a pain like a lightening strike went through her head and images began to flood her brain, she cried out squeezing her eyes shut to try to stop the images, but as quickly as they started they were gone. She shook her head gently not sure of that had happended, but not wanting to dwell on it now she picked up her bouqet red lillies in the center with a ring of white roses and ivy cascading form the bottom,absently she picked up a purple rose and stuck it into the side of bouqet.

shouldent forget the prince of roses after all She thought.

She walked out to find a horse drawn carriage waiting to take her to the chaple. She sat watching the beautiful contry side Simon's band in the little marroon box held in her hand tightly. Sunddenly the chaple came into veiw and it was just as he had promiced She coulde see the glow of the candles through the windows and smiled, so far so good. The retainer helped her down and opended the large wood doors in front og her, as she stepped though the tradition wedding march was being softly played and she smiled, hundreds of candles lit the chaple, bathing everythign in a soft dreamy glow, the walkway had been scattered with white rose petals. Looking down to the stone Alter she sall Simon, He smiled at her, he was so dashing in his romantic outfit and she noted a white rose in his lapel, he was so perfect, She joined him at the alter, he took her hand and smiled down at her love in his eyes, The priest preformed his rituals in latin, and much to her chagrin, she didnt know latin, so she spent half the time guessing what she was supposed to do by his gestures. Then came the moment for her to say the two most important words of her entire existance.

She looked up into his eyes and said
I Do
slipping the ring she had made him on his finger she felt whole and complete, and knew instantly that this was the right thing to do, the rest of the ceremony was a bit of a blur as she was lost in the soft light and the look of love in his eyes, and before she knew it he was drawing her into his arms for a soft passionate kiss.They walked slowly back down they aisle and in to the carriage.

Are you happy my love?

She smiled
yes it was wonderful, Thank you.

He laughed gently, no it is more that I should thank you , you married me after all

She laughed softly

Now I know how much you love carriage rides so I have arranged for us to be driven around untll the sun rises if you wish it my love

SHe nodded and laid her head on his shoulder happy just to be with him, to have him all to herself, to be bound to him for all eternity in every way she could be.

OOc long update part 1

2004-06-03T11:02:37Z

(thursday Cont)

Sitting quietly on the floor sketch book in hand she dosent hear him come in behind her.

what are you doing love?

startled she stands and tries vainly to brush some of the dirt off her and excitedly explains about the garden, and how they can have parties there and she can be a perfect hostess, her words tumble out in a rapid stream, and before she knows it all her fears and desires are soon tumbling out as well. Simon patient as always listens quietly. when she finishes he takes her hand lovingly.

I love you for who you are, you dont need to change for me.

stunned she thumps down on the couch, how wonderful is this man that he loved her short commings and all, something her own sire could not even do.At that moment she wanted nothing more then to marry him, so she suggested it, He smiled, and said if it was what she really wanted, but they needed a few days to put things in order, they wold leave Sunday at sunset for france. She was thrilled but he put a damper on her excitment.

shouldent you call Alexandra to come with us?

She frowned, I dont think Alex has much time for me and my silliness anymore, let's just go, all we really need is each other anyway she tells him. He kisses her gently.

as you wish my love

Smileing they spend the rest of the evening just enjoying being together, the rest of the weekend was filled with rushed plane reservations, She went to the gallery and finished his band herself, bought his wedding gift, and of course went dress shopping for the honeymoon.AS well as purchasing as many white and red pillar candles as she culd ge her hands on She had a vision of how this wedding was to look and it was going to beautiful.

OOC Evelyn???

2004-06-03T10:50:27Z

Heart of Gold

What is Your Heart REALLY Made of?
brought to you by Quizilla

(thursday 5/27 sunset)

2004-05-27T17:51:57Z

AS she watched the last rays of sunlight fade over the hills, she began to wonder the house, meadering at first, opening windows, turning on and off lights, looking at things and seeing nothing, her steps retraced themselves, and became a path she traced over and over again, her hands brushing over the same objects, but if asked she could not tell you what they were. Her mind was everwhere and nowhere, her body tence, her experssion resembled that of a great cat pacing the confines of it's cage.

Out, she thought, I must go out

walking to the backdoors she threw them open and wondered barefoot out into the yard, sinking down into the wet grass, allowing the dirt to mark her white night gown, laying down staring up at the night sky she began to cry softly.

I am a lady, a countess, trained to walk side by side with royalty. I am not a creature of passion, a diamond smuggler, a temptress. I must be a lady to keep his love, a perfect companion, for to lose him would be like losing life itself

Shakeing her head she stands slowly lookig around the yard, her eyes studying it's dimensions and a small smirk came to her lips..

A project that's al I need to take my mind off of problems, This place needs a garden, a place to hold parties and take moonlight walks...

Walking back into the house she settles on the floor of the study sketch pad in hand,unaware of her dirty clothing and the grass in her hair, she begins to design a garden and for a moment, she is at peace.

thewhiterose @ 2004-04-27T07:46:00

2004-04-27T11:53:08Z

Venemous?

this is supposed to be a bad thing?

*shakes her head* I never should have been Ventrue, I hate politics, I had pettiness, and I hate stupid people, especial Brujah *she pauses* Sorry Alex.. you dont count

*she sighs*

*she glances at the white roses he had brought her*

so pure, so beautiful, a sign of love...

why couldent life be so simple, I want to tell Prince Resse to blow it out her ear, I'm so tiered of making sure I'm there for everyone, helpful Evelyn, hell I'm even tagged with the status of such.

*she strokes the rose petals, something flashes through her mind, too quick for her to catch it, she shakes it off*

I'm going to have to ask for help, I'll be dammed if I go to Calisto, I know I can ask Simon, and I know he will help, but... *she sighs* smoothes her hair back straightens her dress*

time to be a king, and deal with the peasants.

thewhiterose @ 2004-03-27T07:57:00

2004-03-27T13:04:38Z

Sittig and shifiting through phan's scketches for her wedding gown, she thought of Alexandra, she was so tence almost scared of something, but she had seemed to calm a bit around Simon, who was as always a charmer.Wedding plans were falling into place, and nothing seemed like it could go wrong now. she looked at the gown she kept coming back to, this was her favorite, and it wasent pink , she stiffled a giggle, Alex had been quite insistant that there was no pink or bows.... although the image of her in pink chiffon and cascades of bows was amusing. She would have to call Alex and get her real impression of Simon, as her opinon was very important to her... Hearing Simon's footsteps she slid the sketch into her book and went to spend a quiet eveing with the man she loved more then life itself.

thewhiterose @ 2004-03-23T07:08:00

2004-03-23T12:15:21Z

* laying beside him as she feels dawn rising a small smile creeps onto her face. He had shown up to meet her, a dozen white roses in hand,they were beautiful, and for a brief moment soemthing crossed her mind but it was gone before she could grasp it. He had chastised her, but she had deserved it, her behavior had grown a bit impetious as of late, very odd for her, it must be the stress. She snuggles into him, he loved her, that was what mattered and she would be the perfect lady when in the city, he was the seneshal, she had to respect that, plus she had given her promice to behave and stay out of danger, somethign which seemed to be following her a fair bit latly as the day sleep overtakes her she lays her head on his chest feeling his strength around her.*

One more thing to deal with my darling, one more thing then I promice I will be whatever you want me to be.

thewhiterose @ 2004-03-21T08:04:00

2004-03-21T13:22:19Z

she reentered the penthouse her thougths were in a whirl, what had she done? was it Rita? did he truly not love her anymore? she set chairs up absently and looked at the blood stains on the floor, climbing up on the bed she took the pillow in her arms that he slept on and held it tightly, aware that her tears would stain it's crisp case. how was this possible, yes she had been angery at him for not allowing her to go on the hunter fight, but that was her quick unthinking self, she knew rationaly he was right, that he was protecting her, at Phan's party when he was asked to sit in the front row she sat behind him, just in case she needed to move to protect him, she was so frightended that they would try to hurt him, just because he had slain some annoying ghoul. Then he had just walked out, not a word to her, he didnt even so much as look at her, should she have followed? her own curiosity at the Giovanni rituals had kept her there, well at least he was willing to teach... *she shook her head the tears continuing to flow soaking the pillow with red* she thought back over her actions looking for the reason for his behavior, she had set Gabriel up , he had to know she was going to take Vengance for his attack on her. But he was so cold, so uncaring, he had been that way ever since his meetign with... * she looked up her eyes narrowing* with Cannon and Claudius, if either of thoes to had done anythng to him to change him or his feelings so help me god... *she sighed softly* It would be easier to think he had been altered then to think that she had done soemthing to hurt him. But for a love he proffesed was that strong how could it go cold that quickly? she lay in the bed untill near dawn as she started to feel the sleep come over her she picked up the phone not sure what she would say but knowing that she just couldent let him go, not like this, She left the message praying he heard it and praying that she would see his beautiful face meeting her.. as she started to drift off the words to what she had come to think of as his song floated though her head, she clutched his pillow tightly and prayed for the oblivion of day sleep.

Don't turn away
Just take my hand
And when you make your final stand
I'll be right there
I'll never leave
And all I ask of you
Believe

thewhiterose @ 2004-03-14T08:32:00

2004-03-14T13:50:10Z

she waited until simon was engaged in somthing, city buisness probably she thought , then excused herself to another room quietly and patiently as if going to read or work on wedding plans, then as she closed the door and turnded she felt her rage rising, almost like a title wave, it filled her and she knew the beast would have his say soon. her words spilled out in a flood as she clenched her fists trying to keep her blood calm

I corrupted him? Sebastion? the master manipulator, that surpassed even Calisto himself? I was responsible for that mess?

Fuck that in her mind she saw Simons disapproving look when she used such language

well i dont feel much like a "lady" currently she muttered.

I've attempted his life? I have? Bullshit. I never once , oh and i could have, given them haven loacations, brought him to them, but no i stayed out of the plots and then to have him accuse me?

her rage built and she heard her beast whispering to her to be freed.

Oh but his high and Mightness forgives me, mocking my lack of humanity, saying he can save me. Save me from what, this decent was not my own doing, I have never killed, never tourtured, yet he mocks me as if I were a genocidal madman bent on world domination.

she feels teh control slipping and knowing if she gives in she will destroy this room in Simons home, a place where untill thier marriage she is still a guest

Marriage, he denied Simon's Request, calling him a man without Honor, again Bullshit.Simon was heartbroken, he wouldent admit it but he was, would he admit that he had wanted the man he hated so at a special celebration in the first place? No but he had wanted him there, he wanted it to be special for me...

she sook her head feeling her rage ebbing, thinking perhaps she had escaped her frenzy, thinking she had protected Simon's things

Protecting... that was the excuse he had used....
But this time he slipped up he admited to her kidnapping, something she doubted Simon would forget.

the memory of her helplessness flooded her and there was no stopping the beast, she lost control, and for once she just let herself go.

thewhiterose @ 2004-03-02T07:23:00

2004-03-02T12:56:04Z

What a week, This definatly counts as a rollercoaster, being staked, tossed in a body bag and left god knows where.. But she had not been scared, she knew Simon would save her, he loved her, and she loved him, and somethign good had to prevail in this fucked up world right? However the voice she heard in her head was not one she wanted at First, Prince cannon, asking her all these questions, she just wanted up and into Simon's arms. He relased her, she felt her hunger raging, she had lost alot of blood in the fight, pushing it down she started to answer his questions, her arms around Simon, then he asked for her blood, he wanted to see if hse had been "tampered" with, but she knew she didnt have enough to give him, and she didnt trust herself not to kill a mortal. Simon... she knew he would feed her. THe rush of his blood filled her, renewing his love for her with every drop he shared. Cannon returns, more questions, about her clothing her jewlery, which after taking notice she had definatly not dressed herself in, a sheer wedding gown and a necklace from the past, odd, Seems somebody used her as a life size doll. More questions, she just wanted to go home,Cannon kept talking then it appread to be story time, she carried little about Archon Gaston whatever and his escapdes at a ball she didnt attend, but it was polite to listen she guessed, Snuggiling into Simon she waited patiently fo a chance to escape with him, Finaly Cannon gettign the hint left, and they travled to Simon's Home, hers being ruled as unsafe. After showering and slipping into one of his dress shirts, she found him sititng in the living room looking thoughtful.

"what's wrong my darling?"
" i couldent protect you" his face sad his eyes cast at the floor.

" but you did, you saved me, I knew you wold so you did protect me"

After a bit of convincing he seemd to agree and excused himself for a moment, upon returning he handed her a long box, opening she found her necklace that she had so stupidly given back to him in a fit of anger. Thanking him she slipped it back on.

" open the bottom of the box" he said

Opening it gently she finds a plain silver band.

" no gem I cuold put on that would be as flawless as you are"

Getting down on his Knees in front of her.

"evelyn, I know you have been thorugh a lot recently and I will understand if you need time to decide, but will you Marry me?"

Time to decide she thought? no, there is nothign I want more.

" I would be honored to my love"

the ring is slipped on her finger and so ended a long night from pain to indescribable happiness, Laying in his arms just before sleep found her, she knew tehre was no place on earth she would rather be.

thewhiterose @ 2004-02-28T06:00:00

2004-02-28T10:20:03Z

OOC: I know it has been a very very long itme, I'm not going to try to compeltly fill in the gap, but to summerize so that I can start posting again regularly.

Ic:

The river and the night were both quiet and both cold. She looked back at the man sleeping on the bed, even though the sun had dropped about 20 minutes before. His face was quiet and gentle,Simon Dupree, seneshal, acting prince, love of her life. She walked around the bed absently rearangeing the roses he had brought her. Sitting down to look at the plans for the new Diamond gallery, her mind flitterd over the past few months and what had brought her to be living in a hotel penthouse in pittsburgh....

Her family...*she shook her head* Calisto was so full of himself and his incesious love for Rowan that he saw nothign else, and Rowan.. no I'm not going to even get in that mess, I mean what kind of prince, what kind of woman bedded the man who had been her father..and her sire? And Sebastion? his death was still to hard to think of.

*sighing she sat back and looked in to the fire*

Camarilla wise she was set, 6 status, positions at her begging, people wanting her help, needing her to fix problems, it seemed she always had some kind of project...

Christoff raised from idiot Sherrif to Seneshal,Isis, from Whip to prince,Manix, well that was that was best not even contiplated till all the cards had been played, but for all her success, for all her popularity, she had lost one battle, she had let a friend die she carried the guilt of his death as her gown had carried the splatters of his blood....

*a tear rolled down her cheek* * she looked once agian at Simon who would be stirring soon. Did she really love him, he was so strong, so proud and so in love with her, yes, she loved him. They were happy in thier little make believe home...

Home.. Greensburg, Calisto, the mansion, how long had it been since she had crossed thoes gates, sat by the fountain, strolled through it's elaborate gardens? Months.. her refusal to bed him had infuriated him and then his slaughter of Sebastion created a rift no soft apologies could heal.

She felt the wet streaks covering her cheeks, she decided to think no more on her ghosts, not now at least, Cross, Alexandra, thomas, thoes were al happier memories best left for a happier time.

Walking past Simon and depositing a soft kiss on his lips, she walks to the bathroom to shower and be ready when he woke, she did need tiem to put on a hapy face for him, no sence letting him wonder what demons troubled her tonight.

thewhiterose @ 2003-07-21T21:30:00

2003-07-22T01:45:21Z

dropping her heels to the floor she sighs softly

They call that a court gods I miss Scotland, that was more like a Zoo

smirking she changes into her night gown

But ever Zoo need a keeper, and she was well on her way , a lifeboon an a status the first night was definatly and encouraging sign. the lupine were definatly an issue, and the sherrif was a dolt, but Caleb is smart and everything has a price

ooc Ic date Friday July 18th

2003-07-22T01:11:52Z

she hears low whispers above her eyes flickered open

Evelyn dear.....One of them said

sitting up she managed a weak smile as she focused on the two men before her she was hit with a flood of images Calisto, Sebastion,Rowan, zach, the diamonds, her stores, the gathering tonight

Clamping her hand over her eyes, she shakes her head slightly

Evelyn you okay dear?

Sebastian she thinks

Yes I'm fine my head was just spinning for a moment, I'm fine now really

mustering a smile she stands and heads up to the shower to prepare for Prince Caleb's court, her eyes fall on the hotel table's arrangement of flowers and as a side thought sweeps the vase into the garbage before heading to the shower

Death,Bathtubs,and Rebirth

2003-06-09T09:11:14Z

Checking herself in the mirror one last time she practiced her smile, she trusted Vincent completely but she has to check her theory as some small part of her wanted to believe in them both. Then she sat and waited, there about an hour later the urge to go down stairs, collecting Boomer, she made her way to the party. There Tomas.....Smiling as sweetly as she could manage

Tomas Please I need to speak to you a moment....in private

Ofcourse he follows, with a simple nod boomer pulls the stake, in seconds Tomas is flat, a simple hand gesture brings Demon and that Tremere man. Watching rather impressed as a body bag appears around Tomas and then they vanish. Back quietly to the room, Phone calls made.....Demon informed that she was not to leave she waited simply for their next move, the urge to go back down standing she opens the door and goes to walk out...then blackness.....

Consciousness returning with a start, her eyes closed, her back resting against something cold and hard. A soft voice..

Angelique.....

Her heart leapt, could it be?

Vincent?

A chuckle..hardly,now come open your eyes child we have much to do in very little time.

Opening her eyes she blinked a bit to adjust to the dim lighting, there he stood suite and cane the man who had been watching her so intently the night before, his eyes were dark and a hint of a smile played on his lips. Sitting up a bit and looking around.....She was sitting in a bathtub, looking to her right she saw Tomas the stake still in place, a hand offered pulling her up out of the tub. Standing she glanced around, basic hotel room, seeing demon and boomer in the next room, she knew she was safe. He looked her over seeming to nod in approval, silently leading her to a chair he sits across from her.

Care to tell me exactly what happened to Tomas and why?

She looks to Boomer he nods

Tis okay Angelique he's cool

Taking a deep breathe she starts.....

I was not going to harm him or allow him to be harmed as I was 90% solid on my theory, and it was a simple test. She my intention to them by staking Tomas and bringing him here for them

A hand held up, so she stops

and this "them" wouldbe the two roses whom I observed you talking with last eve?

Yes, Jb and Jack..... he nods she continues If they came up alone, then I was wrong and they were to be trusted, Had I to go.....well then they meant me harm, and as I can tell from my nap, they are not to be trusted.....But nevertheless I promised Vincent they would leave tomorrow night alive...and they will.

He sighs gently, But you are aware without assistance you will not....

she nods looking down her body slumping defeated

I however intend to make sure you leave alive tomorrow night.

Why?

My Sire has been watching you for a long time, through your trials and tribulations in NYC. Through your sham of a marriage to the Village idiot and your patronage by that fool Olivia. He has also seen your gardens, your gentle nature and your passionate love.

*she looks surprised* Who is this man?

*he shakes his head* Not now my dear, he likes you, he finds you interesting and thinks you have great potential, so he is willing to give you a chance to start you over.....

Oh wait I've had enough people creating holes in my memories and implanting their own Silliness...I'm not sure...

*holding up a hand he silences her*

This is a bit different my dear, there will be no hole, there will be nothing, your life. from birth to embrace to now will be rewritten, no traces of your former exsitance....save your art will remain.
*she starts to speak*

Yes, even this strange love you Hold for Prince DeWinter will be gone, In essence Angelique De Franco will be dead....

But they will recognize me..

No, that will also be fixed, He is offering you a place in his family line, among the most noble of the clans, the Ventrue, a new life, a new clan a new look, a real family

This is so much to digest, to consider, this was not a small step....and no Vincent......

You have about 10 minutes to decide my dear as many provisions need to be made for tomorrow nights party, it's a chance to be safe and loved and cared for.

But I wont be me, I wont remember my gardens, the islands,Vincent,Jb,Miranda,jack,layla, aramis,tess.....This was starting to sound better actually what will go on?

Tomorrow night you will be taken out by us, no matter what, you are not to leave the party until we take you. And we have many contingency plans should one of your "friends" decide to get uppity. Then you will die, buried and reborn into a better life, do you except our offer?

*she stares at the ground her fingers fluttering over her locket*

Yes,...I do...But I have one favor to ask.....I have a letter and a gift for Vincent, please make sure he gets it and he has a package for me... Tell him I wished it to be with me even in death, he will give it to you.

*nodding he turns to Boomer, * take Tomas back to his room leave the stake in him until tomorrow night right before the party

What will happen to Tomas?

*he shrugs* don't know don't care it is you we are interested in. Now My dear the sun is soon to rise sleep well, and live tomorrow night like it is the last night of your life...because in essence it is.........

Playing catch up

2003-06-01T18:43:24Z

*sitting alone in the new garden ignoring the frustrations of her inability to create properly it's just the stress of all of this madness that she had once again found herself n the middle of. Thinking back over the last month trying once ore to sort things out *

Leaving NYC was wise, not for fear of her life or fear of not being able to deal with Jb, but because of a love that would tear her apart.

Tomas, poor fool loved her desperately and she tried to love him, but she was learning piece by piece that he was quite mad. Threatening Jb was unacceptable but almost understandable, he felt the need to posture against someone he felt threatened by. Bu she had promised Jack nothing would happen to his young protege, and it if it did it would be over her dead body...then this business with Layla, she had laughed at him when he returned from the gathering swearing that Layla had sent someone to kill her, had Her sire really wanted her dead she would have taken the perfect opportunity given her in Florida, and if Layla still wanted her dead she knew all she had to do is call and I would go, argument or not blood is blood. Then to go public with it she had damn near killed him that night, behind closed doors was thing but to slander her family publicly......Have to get through the party then all can be handled.

*loking at the flowers in random heaps of ground tears rolled down her face*

She knew she was slipping, her human nature, her love of beauty and peace was being torn from her a bit at a time, the darker thoughts are easier now. Everything was colder and more logical..and it scared her...still couldn't believe she broke down in front of jack...foolish, she had no way to know if she could trust him yet she did and as Cassandra said misplaced trust can cost you your existence *looks around at the garden and up at the house where Tomas worked*

Guess the existence had to be worth worrying over...

Memories missing, people fuzzy, but the voice was gone....for that it was almost worth giving up everything she knew...not to hear it's whisper to do things she didn't understand not to be one place and come to another .....it was over, she felt a release the night it left almost like a snapping..cant believe she told jack about the voice *shrugs* he thought her mad anyway, they all did...perhaps she was....

So much to consider to stay with Tomas and live his fairy tale, to take Derrick's offer of a secret handfasting to live in his mountain retreat....then her own plan which she wanted the most but knew it was impractical and full of holes for danger...Go to Cassandra and live on a pedestal she didn't deserve? or to go to Vincent to the embassy as he offered her...but that would defeat the purpose of fleeing in the first place.....6 nights to deside.....

*looking once again at the plants waiting to be placed, the Red roses, the orchids, and the silver rose, standing walking away leaving the garden in a disarray that resembled her own mind *

thewhiterose @ 2003-05-16T02:54:00

2003-05-16T06:55:49Z

I'm looking for a place
Searching for a face
Is anybody here I know
'Cause nothing's going right
And everythigns a mess
And no one likes to be alone

Isn't anyone trying to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home
It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Wont you take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I... I'm with you
I'm with you

Oh why is everything so confusing
Maybe I'm just out of my mind

thewhiterose @ 2003-05-04T00:57:00

2003-05-04T05:04:30Z

time for the seasons to change.....
It was odd asking for my mind to be wiped, usaly people fear losing thier memoires because it makes us who we are...but they had to go ...all of it....Jb,Jack,Alejandro,Aramis.....all of thoes and especialy the man I love... Looking in the mirror knowing that I have asked for my own defeat, now they can make me what they wish, I will no longer fight the role of lover,pefect childer, and Toy. Winter is here and it will be easier to endure with the inner fire snuffed out.

Look at me
I will never pass for
a perfect bride
Or a perfect daughter
Can it be
I'm not meant to play
this part?
Now I see
that if I were truly
to be myself
I would break my
family's heart

Who is that girl I see
staring straight
back at me?
Why is my reflection someone
I don't know?
Somehow I cannot hide
Who I am
Though I've tried
When will my reflection show
who I am inside?
When will my reflection show
who I am inside?

thewhiterose @ 2003-04-30T03:32:00

2003-04-30T07:35:36Z

*sitting alone in Andre's living room, everythin so hectic, the song brought a smiles to her face and a tear to her eye*

Starry, starry night
Paint your palette blue and grey
Look out on a summer's day
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul
Shadows on the hills
Sketch the trees and daffodils
Catch the breeze and the winter chills
In colours on the snowy linen land

Now I understand
What you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen
They did not know how
Perhaps they'll listen now

Starry, starry night
Flaming flowers that brightly blaze
Swirling clouds and violet haze
Reflect in Vincent's eyes of china blue
Colours changing hue
Morning fields of amber grain
Weathered faces lined in pain
Are soothed beneath the artists' loving hand

Now I understand
What you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen
They did not know how
Perhaps they'll listen now

I could have told you Vincent
This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you

Like the strangers that you've met
The ragged men in ragged clothes
The silver thorn of bloody rose
Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow

Now I think I know
What you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen
They're not listening still
Perhaps they never will...

thewhiterose @ 2003-04-22T01:38:00

2003-04-22T05:46:29Z

*her rage flared*

Is there someone else in your area capable of hosting the upcoming salon you had planned?

I was the only one to work for it, and she wants me to hand it off?
*calms herself
Well we shall See Louis Promiced, and I will hold him to his as he will hold me to mine. His words made this whole thing easier, quiet honest words from a man she truly respected. They wanted her to toe the line, to be quiet,respectful and washed out? Fine. Wouldent be diffrent from the days under her tyrant father. They would be looking for a reason to kill her one mistake, one momet of passion. They wont get it, I have a promice to keep and I will not break my word. So I will set my jaw bite my tounge and head out for the world of Pollyanna. At least my JB issue was close to being gone, thinking back I cannot see wat i saw in him honestly *shrugs* Teaches me how pointless Kindred love is at least it did that for me if nothin else......

thewhiterose @ 2003-04-20T20:15:00

2003-04-21T00:17:05Z

Sometimes you've got to take the heat
If you're gonna walk down on the mean street
Take the heat and you see it through
'Cause sometimes it comes down to
Do what you gotta do

Sometimes it goes right down to the wire
And you might have to walk through the fire
Walk on, boy, all the way through
Sometimes it just comes down to
Do what you gotta do

Well, there's people that'll tell you
It's just no use
And there's people that'll tell you
That you're gonna lose
People that'll tell you
Anything you're gonna listen to
Do what you gotta do

Someday they're going to call your name
They'll come looking for someone to blame
What's your name, boy
Hey, you just tell them true
'Cause they can't take the truth from you
So do what you gotta do

We'll they'll call you a hero or a traitor
But you'll find out that, sooner or later,
Nobody in this world is gonna do it for you
Do what you gotta do

There ain't nobody in this world
That's gonna do it for you
Do what you gotta do

Standing my ground

2003-04-19T00:10:27Z

*rising the nightmares were worse tonight reminding me of one thing*

I am a coward

I let others lead me push me, make me into what they want. I've hidden behind a shield of naivety and innocence...that time is over

*picking up the gun and sliding it into the holster*

Fine, she would go back to the Embassy and stand her ground. she would leave or stay on her own terms, not anyone elses. IF Louis masters wanted to see her, so be it. They wanted her to be strong and independant, so be it. perhaps they should be careful what they wished for.

Running

2003-04-18T09:00:33Z

Change made....*looking in the mirror* Not bad.....
Packed ready to go, hurting Vincent almost ripped her heart out. But it had to be done, someday she would make it up to him. A finaly good bye, To JB, a rose laid on a doorstep. HIs Voice

angel?
No dont turn dont look just walk away

angel, stop, talk to me

Stoping turning,watching him as he Looks over her

new look?....Looks damn good

I need to go, dawn is to close, walk away.... soft words exchaged

would one more night be too much cant you stay?
woul it..just one more night, it may cost me life but....he wants me to stay....
My will broken, curling up in his arms to sleep, I can only think i did all this running to end up where I started.

Blindsided

2003-04-16T08:27:04Z

Sitting online from the new cottage waiting for things to arrive..Taking to Jb as getting easier, less painful. Coming to terms with the fact that I love him but can not have him made it easier.
Still worried over mother, she greed to the bond after the chaos ws settled,so that was handeled...

As for Cid...jury sill out on wether a not a friendsip could be salvaged.

Thoms De Beaumont signs on, well finaly someone to talk to.

The party is discussed, he is going to help with art and preformances....He asks whom is escourting me to the party.
I am stoped cold... I had assumed JB....But now it wasent, so I must answer "I dont know"

Yes you do he replies, I am
Oh and did I menion I was egotistial?

I laugh, the he hits me with another statement that stops me cold.
I know your name, and a bit about you
Oh? I reply
Yes, you are from NYC and you are fresh out of a relationship that ended badly
Stunned into silence he continues
Tomas_deBeaumont: JB Kage's loss is my gain.Forget him, he is insignificant

I wish it were that easy I respond with

Tomas_deBeaumont it is you ignore him and concentrate on me instead

who does this guy think he is?

Tomas_deBeaumont and naturally,you need my assistance in preparing for the party

Somthing about his comanding nature is soothing allowing my self to be led a bit, I thank him and tell him he is become a life saver, once again he throws me for a loop

Tomas_deBeaumont I may be more than that if you wish.

I say nothing...I am not ready for this, not yet, yet it's so nice to have that comanding soothing precence to know I can just let go and I will be caught...he Continues

Tomas_deBeaumont Have you never heard of me my dear?

I have seen your name here before I reply

Tomas_deBeaumont most have, some like me, some dislike me, but most have to at least tolerate me

I have to smile

Tomas_deBeaumont oh, did I manage to make the lovely lady smile once again?

I reply yes once again you did

Tomas_deBeaumont becareful my dear, If I manage to make you smile three times you will fall madly in love with me

I have to laugh....is that how it's done?

Tomas_deBeaumont Yes because I am so charming, have you not figured that out yet.

What a strange gentlemen....Then the words I am not sure how to feel about

Tomas_deBeaumont I will discuss a vacation with my prince as Im seneshal here and I shall be to visit you soon

And the he was gone. leaving me shaking my head trying to figure out what exactly transpired and why on earth I am smiling

Vices

2003-04-11T07:06:19Z

She sat pouring the drink absently as she worked on the plans to discuss with Richard, a knock at the door, Vincent, yes he had gotten her letter, yes he would be at the meeting, She finised the drink while they talked and went to fix another without flinchng.He stoped watched her the came the questions..

what do you want?

So she listed off what she wanted, a haven, the theater with Richard, the party in buffalo to go well....But he persisted

What do you want?

His questions were aggitating she reached for the bottle to finish making the drink only to have him grab it away from her and head for the bathroom with it.

Vincent! Stop! why he asks, becuse, because I need it, I admit

With that he hurls it at the wall, dmn him, does he know how hard it is to get good Absinthe? guiding me to the window more questions

what do you see?

The city, the sky, the night, not good enough for him...

what do you see?

the world going by without me, all the relizations I had the night before came crashing down on me. thought I had a grasp on them knew what I wanted to do was ready to start over free from the vice of love, yet all I had done was swaped one vice for another I was no more free then I had been when dying from the emptiness Jb had left me with, I was just using this to numb it.
Takeing me into the bathroom and forcing me to look in the mirror again he asked

what do you see?

This time the answer shocked even me..... a coward, I was a coward I was hiding in the Absinthe just the way I had had from the world in Jb's love. Satisfied Vincent left me to my thoughts,and as the door closed behind him the desire to reach for the other bottle in the bag was almost too hard to resist. No, I want to mak something of myself and I wont do it lost in a bottle. I need some one to talk to a friend,to keep the drink off my mind, someone I can trust other then Vincent as I believe he has done his damage for the evening, seeing the laptop I sign on.....Richard
A genuine smile crosses her face for the first time since Jb left and she starts to think, mayby things will be okay....

thewhiterose @ 2003-04-09T01:52:00

2003-04-09T05:58:03Z

No matter how hard I try
You keep pushing me aside
And I can't break through
There's no talking to you
It's so sad that you're leaving
It takes time to believe it
But after all said and done
You're gonna be the lonely one, ooh

Do you believe in life after love?
I can feel something inside me say
I really don't think you're strong enough, no
Do you believe in life after love?
I can feel something inside me say
I really don't think you're strong enough, no

What am I supposed to do
sit around and wait for you
Well I can't do that
And there's no turning back
i need time to move on
I need love to feel strong
'Cos I've had time to think it trough
And maybe I'm too good for you, ooh

Do you believe in life after love?
I can feel something inside me say
I really don't think you're strong enough, no
Do you believe in life after love?
I can feel something inside me say
I really don't think you're strong enough, no

But I know that I'll get trough this
'Cos I know that I am strong
I don't need you anymore, I don't need you anymore
I don't need you anymore, no I don't need you anymore

Do you believe in love after love?
I can feel something inside me say
I really don't think you're strong enough, no
Do you believe in love after love?
I can feel something inside me say
I really don't think you're strong enough, no